ONE MORE CLOWN IN THE CAR

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Yesterday we took a look at what Iowa saw fit to send to the U.S. Senate, aka  “The worlds greatest deliberative body”, Joni “porcine emasculator” Ernst.

In today’s addition we move down south to the “land of cotton”, where we meet the ironically named Tom Cotton (R-Bible belt Ark.). Tom seems like a nice southern boy, believing in a woman’s right to choose, what a man decides. He’s also quite comfortable with the LBGT community, as long as they stay in the closet, with the door locked, and it’s on fire.

Tom has the conventional mouth breathing GOP fixation on the 2nd Amendment, more guns everywhere, all the time, and for everyone. When the inevitable occurs, there being so many guns, and someone needs to go to the hospital, Tom thinks they should have their own insurance because Obamacare is unconstitutional. Though his thoughts on the fact that the ACA passed both houses of Congress before being signed into law have yet to be recorded.

Thus far Tom has shown himself to be just another example of a bigoted, slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging member of the Tea Party. Don’t be fooled my friends because there’s more. Where Tom really shines is when he reveals his Bible thumping christopathology. Seems Tom feels quite strongly that the idea of the separation of church and state is one he’d rather not recognize. Rather he believes that all laws should be reconciled with gods law. We’ll see how that works out for us, as I’ve said recently, welcome to The Republic of Dumbfuckistan.

Your snowball, good luck.
Your snowball, good luck.

 

We’ve sent in the clowns

 

Your snowball, good luck.
Your snowball, good luck.

Apologies to Judy Collins not simply for the bastardization of her song title, but also for the subject I’m applying it to today. Namely, one of the newly elected howler monkeys senators from the dumpster fire that is the Tea Party wing of God’s Own Party, the modern day GOP.

Here we meet noted hog botherer, Joni Ernst (R-Dumbfuckistan). That should have read Iowa, but really Iowa WTF?

Joni first attracted attention to her campaign when in an effort to explain to supporters her stand on government spending, she said, that because she had castrated hogs during her youth, she knew how to cut pork. One can only assume she choose to express herself in a language they would understand.

Anyway, Joni also opposes the debunked right wing myth of the UN’s agenda 21. She is soft on voter suppression. Feels strongly that raising the minimum wage will not improve the economy. Voted against Medicaid expansion in Iowa and she is open to privatizing social security.

There is more of course and most of it equally distressing. However, I did find one ray of sunshine and a possible explanation for that sordid pile of bullshit boiler plate GOP policy stands. Seems Joni did vote to legalize medical cannabis oil.

I’d like to think those other policy positions are the result of her being high and not handling her shit as well as she once handled hog testicles. Either way, I don’t see the public good being served by her any better than the hogs came out from their interaction.
image Don’t bother they’re here.

In the Heart of Dumbfuckistan

Your snowball, good luck.
Your snowball, good luck.

Yeah, yeah, I know old Joe Conrad might try to come at me in the hereafter over that title, but I’m betting our paths don’t cross, and anyway I’ve got more pressing concerns in the here and now. It seems that when I awoke Wednesday morning I was so far behind enemy lines it would have made Owen Wilson blush, which would be pretty cool if Gene Hackman was bringing the Marines to come rescue my happy liberal ass, but that ain’t happening. So, as it stands, it would seem that over the course of Tuesday a majority of my fellow Americans voted themselves into the Republic of Dumbfuckistan (h/t to Seahag), effectively stranding those of us that don’t watch Fox News while channeling Glenn Beck and Alex Jones through our fillings, and colonoscopy bags.

Imagine waking up in a version of Red Dawn and instead of Cubans (yeah, I’m showing my age) running loose, it’s the Republicans. Fortunately, they’ve been so giddy over their power windfall, they’ve yet to give much attention to the blues in their midst. I expect that to change, soon. Those of us that are out in the open look like someone spilled Viagra into the marinara. By next week, I expect to be going out only at night to forage for bourbon and cigarettes. I’ll be slipping this to Slappy, for editing, as soon as I get it in the toothpaste tube.

Until next time, here is a graphic of our new reality. I’m out there in that sea of red, reading David Kilcullen’s ‘The Accidental Guerrilla”.image