Welcome to Indiana … no thanks, fuck you very much!

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say “I’m loving Indiana right now!” Ok, before your left-wing fee fee’s get chapped hear me out.

This wacked out bill they’ve passed and their governor signed is going to, no, it already has, led to some epic trolling of the Gay Oppressors Party (GOP), while causing the 2016 candidate class clowns to march in lockstep approval of the measure lest they be torn asunder by the knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, sister-fucking, Christopathic base.

Cruz, Bush, Rubio, Carson — the whole GOP clown car — cast their lot with Indiana’s anti-LGBT stance.”

It may be time to slip into something more comfortable, like say a Hazmat suit, because this has the potential of unfolding like a suicide bombing in slow motion on both the state and national stages. At the very least the rest of us will get to watch as the bigoted and homophobic identify themselves.

Gov. Mike Pence (R) signing Indiana's "Religious Freedom Restoration Act" while surrounded by anti-LGBT activists.

Gov. Mike Pence (R) signing Indiana’s “Religious Freedom Restoration Act” while surrounded by anti-LGBT activists.

CREDIT: TWITTER/MICAH CLARK

I, for one, can’t wait to watch the candidates try to position themselves to the right of each other while trying not to sound completely insane and morally bankrupt (I’m afraid the English language is going to take a beating, not to mention the sodomization that will be visited upon logic and reason).

Pay attention friends and neighbors this is some cheap entertainment, well, except for Indiana’s tourist economy which Governor Pence plans on flying straight to the crash site along with his political future.

New-Indina-Graphic-march-31

NASCAR

As a new reader shared with me yesterday, “… my new spectator sport — relay race grave digging …” (h/t Tami Robinson)

Really, FUCK these soulless creatures!

Your snowball, good luck.
Your snowball, good luck.

And the race is on

Oh my! The 2016 GOP clown car has a driver and is sitting in the pole position for the race to the White House. Much to the delight of smart ass liberal bloggers throughout the land, Tailgunner Ted Cruz (R-Calgary) has announced his intent to be thoroughly mocked and soundly rejected by his own party pursue the 2016 GOP nomination for president. Yeah, I know, hard to imagine a redder piece of meat for the left end of the blogosphere. It’s only going to get better as the car fills up, in the coming months, with other fluffers of the GOP psychward announcing.

My first reaction was to spew bourbon all over my monitor, my next move was to get the hand lotion and wet naps because, holy shit, this is going to be fun. I just hope he doesn’t flameout too quickly, there’s a lot of crazy-stupid burning in this man. One of the Tailgunner’s endearing qualities is that he’s never had a stupid thought cross his mind that failed to come out his mouth.

Admittedly, that’s a short trip, but even though he has President Obama’s education he is apparently driven by the politics and intellect of Sarah Palin.

True to form, Calgary Ted wasted no time spouting some breathtakingly stupid from his piehole. Here’s a taste:

Speaking to the Texas Tribune on Tuesday, Cruz said that contemporary ‘global warming alarmists are the equivalent of the flat-Earthers.

‘You know it used to be it is accepted scientific wisdom the Earth is flat, and this heretic named Galileo was branded a denier,’ he said. 

In Cruz’s opinion, when it comes to climate change, his denier position places him alongside 17th Century scientist Galileo Galilei, who was also considered to be denying the mainstream knowledge of his day. According to Cruz’s logic, he is taking the minority view that human-caused climate change is not happening, just as Galileo took the minority view that the scientific method should be trusted over the Catholic Church.

 

While simultaneously getting his cyber-ass handed to him on Twitter via #TedCruzCampaignSlogans.

My dad’s Cuban, I’m Canadian, Vote For Me Because Jesus.

Bibi and Boehner sitting in a tree…

 

Boy oh boy, yesterday was a day of high drama in the shit flinging monkey house U.S. Congress, with a guest appearance by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu, Israel’s version of Dick Cheney, albeit with a real heart, coming to speak. You may be wondering what brought Bibi to town? That would be an invitation by Speaker of the House John Boehner, or, just as likely, the most epic late night drunk dial in recent history.

At any rate, what we have is a GOP-led Congress failing at the only two real jobs they have — writing the laws of the land and paying the country’s bills. They used to declare war also, but lately they’ve let whoever is president do whatever they want. So, they decided to step into the president’s kitchen and piss in the foreign policy pot.

Also, by not inviting any opposition candidates to speak they have slipped their dicks into Israeli electoral politics (Bibi’s up for reelection in two weeks) which the average politically engaged Israeli voter shouldn’t find very kosher. So, what’s up with the Bibi and Boehner tongue kissing? Let’s explore.

The president embarks on delicate negotiations with the Islamic Republic of Iran. He allows his aides and underlings to do so because he is firm in his belief that in the presidency resides the sole power to conduct the foreign relations of the United States. A year or so earlier, his deputy national security advisor wrote a memo in which he said that the president “was ready to confront the Congress on the constitutional question of who controls foreign policy.” The Office of Legal Counsel in his Department of Justice argues that the president had “far-reaching discretion to act on his own authority in managing the external relations of the country.” When these negotiations are uncovered, this is the primary argument presented by the president and his defenders against the angry opposition of the Congress. The president is Ronald Reagan. The negotiations are regarding the exchange of weapons for American hostages, something the president vowed he never would do, and something he already told the country he hadn’t done … Also, in deciding to sell the arms, the president was inspired partly by a book about combating terrorism put together by an ambitious Israeli politician named Benjamin Netanyahu.

Oops, that’s not it, let me try again.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu addressed a joint meeting of Congress on Tuesday to warn the United States that negotiating with Iran could result in a “nuclear nightmare”

A “nuclear nightmare”, right, OK then. I think the real nightmare Bibi is concerned about is the one that includes the level playing field a nuclear armed Iran would create. Imagine if the Israelis had to finally negotiate in good faith with an equal partner? Why they might have to solve that problem in Gaza. Or perhaps the Palestinians could finally get their own passports because they had a country to call their own. It could possibly have the added benefit of convincing the Saudis to stick to pumping oil rather than funding religious extremists throughout the region and the world, but that’s all just my guess.

OK, so much for navel gazing and foreign policy wet dreams. As it turns out, this whole masturbatory drama was played out in order to undermine the president’s on going efforts to negotiate an agreement with Iran as it concerns their nuclear program, rather than selling Iran weapons as a previous administration **cough** Reagan **cough** choose to do. But, then their historical memory is on par with Reagan’s memory during his second term.

All in all, this episode will be long remembered by the screaming howler monkeys that inhabit the tea party terrarium and superfund site and not so much by the rest of us. The president will continue with his program and John Boehner will still be drunk, ineffective, and orange and that’s no way to go through life, son.

 

Your snowball, good luck.
Your snowball, good luck.