Monthly Archives: July 2015

Way Cool Jr.

A Dream Come True

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Donald Trump Would Consider Tapping Sarah Palin For Future Trump Administration

I’d thank sweet baby Jeebus, if I believed in the little shit, so call it answered prayers, miracles, karma, or simple old-fashioned blind- ass luck. Credit whatever works for you but that headline is such a dream come true that I expect to find a herd of unicorns ridden by leprechauns handing out pots of gold when I get home.

I fully expected the march to the GOP primaries to turn into such a circus-style clusterfuck that it would make the entire Marx Brothers oeuvre play like Shakespeare but hot damn! Mel Brooks, on acid, couldn’t have written the saga of Donald Trump, the GOP id personified, rampaging across the political landscape like Godzilla through Tokyo and sucking up the support of the mouth-breathing GOP base faster than a $2 whore in a prison yard and yet here we are reading such pearls as these,

“If there is a Trump administration, could you see picking up the phone, giving the governor a call and picking her brain on some things, or perhaps having her along in some official capacity.” 

“I’d love that,” Trump replied. “Because she really is somebody who knows what’s happening and she’s a special person, she’s really a special person and I think people know that.”

First off, the idea of a “Trump Administration” brings forth visions of a Walmart crowd on double coupon day and you couldn’t pick Palin’s brain with a scanning electron microscope.

As to Palin being “special,” well he got that right but I don’t think he meant the crayon eating-window licking special that is the reality.

This has become a fascinating spectacle and I have no idea how it may play out, but the first GOP debate (sponsored by Fox) is Aug. 6th and , well, did you know that Orville Redenbacher makes 18 different styles of popcorn?

Your snowball, good luck.
Your snowball, good luck.
Sam Damon

Please, someone crack a window

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The Confederate flag means nothing to most people other than maybe a dipstick or two eating Van Camp’s baked beans out of a can with a plastic spoon and squeeze cheese on a saltine while sitting with two guys in a pickup truck and listening to some country fuck sing a song about Merica  while the three geniuses argue about whose fart stinks worse.

It was yours.

No, yours.

Someone pull Donald Trump’s finger.

Well, give him a chance to take it out of his ass first.

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Sam Damon

Nigel Travis, the Slickster Hoser of the Day

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travisI love Dunkin Donuts, but this hosehead made $10 million in 2014 and he’s complaining that the company may have to give some DD workers an almost  liveable wage.

In the company’s 2014 annual report to stockholders, CEO Nigel Travis said that since going public in 2011, DD had returned $860 million to its shareholders.

In its latest report filed with the Securities Exchange Commission, DD says it generated $149 million in revenue in the 2015 second quarter alone.

DD has 11,306 franchises worldwide and has started  building new ones in California this year. Its stock sells at $53.82 a share.

Travis  says increasing the minimum wage  from $8.75 to $15 per hour in New York, will kill the company’s  small franchise owners. He also says fast food companies are being picked on.

Quick, hand me a hanky. I’m getting all weepy.

Nigel Travis — he’s the Slickster Hoser of the Day

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Way Cool Jr.

And a Koch Puppet joins the Circus

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Sweet Jebus is there no bottom to the GOP bag of dicks? Yeah Carley it’s what you are, not what you have.  Anyway,  Wisconsin govenor and college dropout Scott Walker has announced his bid for the GOP nomination ( I know it’s old news, it’s summer — shit happens).

“As you can imagine, the months leading up to my announcement that I would run for President of the United States were filled with a lot of prayer and soul searching.”

“Here’s why: I needed to be certain that running was God’s calling — not just man’s calling. I am certain: This is God’s plan for me and I am humbled to be a candidate for President of the United States,” Walker said in the email.

He’s just asking for another FOIA request.

 Seems Mr. Susterich filed a open records request with the governor’s office asking them to,

“… provide a copy/transcript of all communications with God, the Lord, Christ, Jesus or any other form of deity.”

Now kids, if you are going to troll someone that is how it’s done, oh, yes, the governors office responded,

“… [pursuant to the Public Records Law, we are responding to let you know that this office does not have records responsive to your request.”

Walker is a 5 tool GOP player- God botherer ( see above ), Anti-union

The law takes effect immediately, making Wisconsin the 25th state to approve a so-called right-to-work law and marking the latest victory for Republicans targeting labor unions, following adoption of similar laws in Michigan and Indiana in 2012.

“It sends a powerful message across the country and around the world,” Walker said, adding that what he called freedom to work is one of the three or four things that people ask about when he is on trade and investment tours for Wisconsin.

Anti-choice

Scott Walker: Women should be forced to have ultrasounds because they’re ‘a cool thing’

Pro-war

Asked if he would just shit-can the Iranian deal even if the rest of the world was cool with it, Walker was all: “America, fuck, yeah!” or, more accurately:

“Absolutely. If I ultimately choose to run, and if I’m honored to be elected by the people of this country, I will pull back on that on January 20, 2017, because the last thing — not just for the region but for this world — we need is a nuclear-armed Iran. It leaves not only problems for Israel, because they want to annihilate Israel, it leaves the problems in the sense that the Saudis, the Jordanians and others are gonna want to have access to their own nuclear weapons.”

Koch puppet

David Koch said at a fundraiser for the New York State Republican Party on Monday that he and his brother would support the party’s eventual nominee in the general election, but that it should be Walker, the paper reported, citing two people in attendance.

The list goes on, he’s simply a cornucopia of pustulant GOP policies and as soon as the GOP base gets their collective mouths off Trumps crotch, they’ll be on Walker like a duck on a June bug.

I’ve said it before, the GOP debates simply must be in a cage-match format.

Your snowball, good luck.
Your snowball, good luck.
Way Cool Jr.

I think they found their pivot man

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The fight for the GOP nomination is starting to yield the comedic absurdity we all expected.   

 … as companies move to distance themselves from the candidate who said that undocumented immigrants from Mexico “killers and rapists.” On Monday, NBC cut ties with Trump and on Wednesday, Macy’s announced it would stop carrying merchandise from his brand.

The only surprise is that not only is Donald Trump at the controls of the GOP flaming kamikaze, but that he’s flying it straight at the party itself,

 “The fact that Donald Trump is exposing a lot of the dirty truths of the Republican party is good in the sense that we want an honest debate,”   Artuo Carmona, Exective Director of latino advocacy group Presente Action to Think Progress.

and, of course, they can’t get out of their own way.

One group that hasn’t yet cut ties with the real estate mogul is the Republican Party. While NBC, Univision and Macy’s have publicly denounced his beliefs, members of the Republican party have remained silent or have expressed their support for his anti-immigrant sentiment. On Tuesday, 2016 candidate Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), whose father is Cuban, defended his opponent, saying, “I like Donald Trump. I think he’s terrific, I think he’s brash, I think he speaks the truth.”

Your snowball, good luck.
Your snowball, good luck.
Way Cool Jr.

Marriages, Heritage, and Cattle Cars

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It’s been quite the momentous couple of weeks since we were last together. Seems that the Confederate flag is out and the rainbow flag is in, which is causing the mouth-breathing, christopathic, god botherers to cry crocodile tears and to begin planning for the rapture when they’re not burning down historic black churches and sending out death threats to ministers. Good thing it’s about heritage and not hate. Anyway, congratulations to the LGBT community on gaining complete personhood in the eyes of the law, something corporations achieved five years ago.

Image result for jindal, pataki, christie, kasich
Image result for jindal, pataki, christie, kasich
Image result for jindal, pataki, christie, kasich
Image result for jindal, pataki, christie, kasich

The GOP crazy train pulled into the siding for a cattle call on the clown car. Things got hairy at the start with Chris Cristie (R-Tollbridge) running off body weight and reducing his market value while chasing Bobby Jindal (R-Failed State) around the cattle yard with visions of a noon-time snack dancing in his eyes. This allowed George Pataki (R-Who?) and John Kasich (R-No really, who?) to quietly load which came as no surprise as they have all the name recognition of a pair of street mimes in a Bogata slum. So, the roster of future losers continues to grow and remember there are more to come and none of them will be any more reassuring than the current clusters of fuck making up the insane clown posse. The debates can’t get here soon enough, I’m really hoping for a cage match format.

Your snowball, good luck.
Your snowball, good luck.